“Everything went well. You did just fine.” The surgeon went on the tell us that the Enbloc was performed succesfully. He was surprised by the amount of calcium and scar tissue. He spent a considerable amount of time scraping my rib cage to remove the scar tissue and did extensive muscle repair. The surgeon reported that the implants were noticeably softer than what he would expect for their age. It was noted too, that one of the implants had bubbles in it. This meant that air was getting in and other “stuff” was getting out. It made complete sense and led us to believe that it was probably the cause of the itch that I could NEVER scratch!

The recovery was easier than I thought it would be. The feeling of freedom was the best part about it. I could put behind the fears of the “safe” breast implants that lived inside of me. Admittedly, I was afraid to take the first post op look. What in the world were they going to look like? I was thrilled with the outcome and I felt like me again. I looked like me again. I was realizing that my whole body was quick to respond. Years of pain, confusion, brain fog, headaches, skins issues, anxiety and headaches were disappearing before our eyes.

With the exception of a few close friends and my family, I kept my surgery a secret. The implants came home with me and lived in my closet. They were a reminder of my fight and would give me courage to one day share my story. They will, one day, be needed to prove that implanted devices are not well studied. They will help determine that implantable devices can have long lasting and devastating effects on one's health, including a very rare form of cancer called Breast Implant-Associated Anaplastic Large Cell Lymphoma (BIA-ALCL) and many of these symptoms (my symptoms are ✔️):

FATIGUE ✔️
BRAIN FOG, MEMORY LOSS ✔️
MUSCLE AND JOINT PAIN ✔️
HAIR LOSS, DRY SKIN AND HAIR ✔️
PREMATURE AGING
WEIGHT PROBLEMS
INFLAMMATION ✔️
POOR SLEEP AND INSOMNIA ✔️
DRY EYES, DECLINE IN VISION ✔️
HYPO/HYPER THYROID SYMPTOMS ✔️
HYPO/HYPER ADRENAL SYMPTOMS ✔️
PARATHYROID PROBLEMS
HORMONE IMBALANCE, DIMINISHING HORMONES, EARLY MENOPAUSE ✔️
HYSTERECTOMY
LOW LIBIDO ✔️
SLOW HEALING, EASY BRUISING ✔️
THROAT CLEARING, COUGH, DIFFICULTY SWALLOWING, CHOKING, REFLUX, METALLIC TASTES
VERTIGO ✔️
GASTROINTESTINAL ISSUES SUCH AS ACID REFLUX, GERD, GASTRITIS
LEAKY GUT, IBS AND SIBO ✔️
PANCREATITIS
FEVERS, NIGHT SWEATS, INTOLERANT TO HEAT/COLD ✔️
PERSISTENT BACTERIAL, VIRAL, FUNGAL INFECTIONS
YEAST INFECTIONS, CANDIDA, SINUS AND UTI INFECTIONS
SKIN RASHES ✔️
EAR RINGING ✔️
SUDDEN FOOD INTOLERANCE AND ALLERGIES ✔️
HEADACHES, MIGRANES AND OCULAR MIGRANES ✔️
SLOW MUSCLE RECOVERY AFTER ACTIVITY ✔️
HEART PALPITATIONS, CHANGES IN NORMAL HEART RATE OR HEART PAIN ✔️
SORE AND ACHING JOINTS OF SHOULDERS, HIPS, BACKBONE, HANDS AND FEET ✔️
SWOLLEN AND TENDER LYMPH NODES IN BREAST AREA, UNDERARM, THROAT, NECK, GROIN
DEHYDRATION FOR NO REASON
FREQUENT URINATION ✔️
NUMBNESS/TINGLING SENSATION IN UPPER AND LOWER LIMBS ✔️
COLD AND DISCOLORED LIMBS, HANDS AND FEET ✔️
GENERAL CHEST DISCOMFORT SHORTNESS OF BREATH ✔️
PAIN AND OR BURNING SENSATION AROUND IMPLANT AND OR UNDERARM ✔️
LIVER AND KIDNEY DYSFUNCTION
GALLBLADDER PROBLEMS
TOXIC SHOCK SYMPTOMS
ANXIETY, DEPRESSION AND PANIC ATTACKS ✔️
FEELING LIKE YOU ARE DYING ✔️
SYMPTOMS OF FIBROMYALGIA ✔️
SYMPTOMS OF LYME DISEASE ✔️
SYMPTOMS OF EBV ✔️
SYMPTOMS OF AUTO-IMMUNE DISEASES SUCH AS; RAYNAUD’S SYNDROME, HASHIMOTO’S THYROIDITIS, RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS, SCLERODERMA, LUPUS, SJOGREN’S SYNDROME, NONSPECIFIC CONNECTIVE TISSUE DISEASE, MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS✔️
SYMPTOMS OF BIA-ALCL LYMPHOMA
DIAGNOSIS OF CANCER

So here I am. The secret is out. My silence was doing no one a favor. Getting implants was my mistake. It was also my mistake to not share what I learned from the journey.

As C.S. Lewis said, “ Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My god, do you learn.”

Today, I can make it through a day without pain. I can breathe without anxiety. I can sleep. I can remember yesterday. Most importantly, I can pick up my baby girl that is almost 8. I’m making up for all the years that I couldn't hold my girl.

I was at an all time low. My body was failing me and I was failing my family. The time line was becoming crystal clear.

All of the doctors appointments, the tests, the pain and the searching and we never once considered that a choice I made in 2013 would wreak absolute havoc on our lives. I asked simple questions. I got simple answers.

I didn’t know what I didn’t know.

January 2013 I had an elective surgery. I didn’t make the decision without asking every question I could think of. I got breast implants. For me. I mean, after nursing 4 babies I clearly earned them, right!?

“Are they safe?” Yes

“What are they made of?” Silicone

”Why were they taken off the market in 1992?” They were liquid silicone. The new ones are solid silicone. They don’t leak.

“Are there any health risks.” There is always a risk with any surgery. Capsular Contracture is a risk. Some patients have experienced rupture after an accident (car). You may not like the way they look.

I asked so many questions that the office sent me home with an implant to test. I twisted it, squooshed it, smooshed it and even cut it open to see what would happen.

I thought I had been an informed consumer. Three years into my researching I found this:

Silicone Breast Implant Ingredients

Methyl Ethyl Ketone (neurotoxin)
Cyclohexanone (neurotoxin)
Isopropyl Alcohol
Denatured Alcohol
Acetone (neurotoxin)
Urethane
Polyvinyl Chloride (neurotoxin)
Amine
Toluene (neurotoxin/carcinogen)
Dichloromethane (carcinogen)
Chloromethane
Ethyl Acetate (neurotoxin)
Silicone
Sodium Fluoride
Lead-based solder (heavy metal)
Formaldehyde (carcinogen)
Talcum Powder
Oakite (cleaning solvent)
Methyl 2-cyanoacryltes
Ethylene Oxide (carcinogen)
Xylene (neurotoxin)
Hexon
2-Hexanone
Thixon-OSN-2
Stearic Acid
Zinc Oxide
Naptha (rubber solvent)
Phenol (neurotoxin)
Benzene (carcinogen/neurotoxin)
Lacquer Thinner
Epoxy Resin
Epoxy Hardener 10 and 11
Printing Ink
Metal Cleaning Acid
Color Pigments as release agents
Heavy metals such as aluminum, tin, lead, and platinum
Silica

The decision to get implants came with price tag. The price tag was my health and no amount of money was going to give me back my health.

But a risky surgery would. A surgery that most surgeons laughed at. Most plastic surgeons weren’t even familiar with this type of procedure. I was determined to find a doctor that understood. I would find a doctor that believed me. And I would never take my health for granted again. I would never ask simple question nor would I be content with simple answers. I would get me back again and along the way I was going to be a voice for others.

In August 2017, I found my saving grace. My dear friend Amy connected me with a woman in Florida by the name of Nikki. Nikki was experiencing all the same things I was. I called her. And I cried. Nikki understood and she would connect me to a Facebook group of over 10,000 women experiencing the same laundry list of symptoms we were experiencing. I was no longer alone. None of us were.

Every single one of the women had breast implants.

I read their posts. Some had been on the page for a while and some were new just like I was. I read and I read and I read. It was the same story over and over and over again. Breast Implant Illness (BII) was real.

Through these women I found a surgeon several hours away from me. He understood that I was scared. He understood that I wanted to be healthy and free. He was willing to an “En Bloc” explantation. He would take pictures of the surgery to assure me that en bloc was performed as agreed. He would allow me to keep my implants in case I needed them for future testing.

It was October 2017. The 2 hour drive to the hospital felt like an eternity. I was so scared. The doctors came to get me. One marked me up like a sketch book and the other starting the sedate me. “Promise me that you will take good care of me and that I will wake up. I have four little girls that need me.” He put his hand on my hand and said, I promise to take good care of you. You are going to be okay.”

He would set me free.